Suicide Safety Planning
Updated: 6 days ago
Suicide is not an easy subject to talk about. In fact, it's probably a conversation many of us would prefer never to have.
But avoiding the conversation doesn't mean we'll never need to have it.
And perhaps one of the most important things we can do is begin talking before a crisis occurs.
This article is for everyone.
It's for people who may be having suicidal thoughts or going through a difficult time. It's also for family members, friends, partners, colleagues and anyone who cares about another person's wellbeing.
It's about noticing when you or someone you care about may be struggling, finding ways to start difficult conversations, and working together to make a plan that may help if things become harder.
The hope, of course, is that the plan will never be needed.
But if it is, having already talked about what might help, who can be contacted and what each person feels able to do can make a difficult situation a little less overwhelming.
There's another important part of this conversation, too.
When someone we care about is struggling, it's often one or two people who find themselves trying to manage everything. They may be doing their very best, but they also have their own lives, responsibilities and feelings to look after.
A circle of support allows us to share that responsibility.
Different people can help in different ways. One person might be available for a conversation, another might help with everyday tasks, while someone else might help arrange professional support.
Nobody needs to promise more than they can realistically provide.
By talking openly, planning together and respecting what each person can offer, we can build a network that supports the person who may need help and the people around them.
Because nobody should have to manage difficult times alone.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000. If you need urgent emotional support, Lifeline is available on 13 11 14.
Why This Conversation Matters to Me
Over the years, suicide has touched my extended family and people close to me.
I've seen how deeply it can affect not only the person who is struggling, but also their family, friends and the people around them.
Through my work as a qualified counsellor and mental health practitioner, I've also supported people experiencing suicidal thoughts, as well as family members and others affected by suicide.
So my understanding of this subject comes from both my personal life and my professional work.
I don't pretend to know exactly what another person is going through. Every person's experience is different, and so is the support they may need.
But these experiences have taught me how important it is to talk about suicide openly, kindly and without judgement.
Sometimes, we don't know what to say. Sometimes, we're frightened of saying the wrong thing. And sometimes, we're the person who needs help but doesn't know how to ask.
That's why I believe conversations, understanding and planning together are so important.
My hope is that the information and free Safety Planning resources shared here will help you, whether you're going through difficult thoughts and feelings yourself or supporting someone you care about.
They're here to help individuals, families, friends and our wider community feel more confident about starting difficult conversations, noticing when extra help may be needed, and understanding the practical steps we can take together.
Sometimes, knowing where to begin can make all the difference.
Recognising When You or Someone You Care About May Be Struggling
We all experience life differently.
Our families, backgrounds, beliefs and life experiences can affect how we respond when things become difficult.
Something that one person can manage may feel overwhelming to someone else.
That's why it's important not to assume we know how another person is feeling.
Sometimes the signs that someone is struggling are easy to notice. At other times, they're not.
You might notice changes in yourself or someone you care about, such as:
Spending less time with family or friends.
Losing interest in things that used to be enjoyable.
Feeling sad, angry, anxious or overwhelmed more often.
Having trouble sleeping or managing everyday tasks.
Feeling hopeless, trapped or unable to see a way forward.
Saying things such as "I'm a burden" or "Everyone would be better off without me."
Saying goodbye in unusual ways, giving away important belongings or making arrangements that seem out of character.
These changes don't always mean someone is thinking about suicide.
But they may be signs that something isn't right and that some extra support could help.
You may recognise some of these changes in yourself.
Perhaps you've been keeping to yourself, struggling with difficult thoughts or feeling that things aren't getting any better.
Or perhaps you've noticed changes in someone close to you and you're unsure whether to say something.
You don't have to know exactly what's wrong before reaching out or asking for help.
And you don't have to wait until things become a crisis.
Starting a Conversation
Talking about suicide can feel uncomfortable.
We might worry about saying the wrong thing, upsetting someone or making a difficult situation worse.
Sometimes we don't know what to say at all.
But we don't need perfect words to begin.
If you're worried about someone
You might start with something simple, such as:
"I've noticed some differences in you lately, and I'm just wondering how you are?"
Or:
"I've been worried about you. Would you like to talk about what's happening?"
You could also try:
"You haven't seemed quite yourself lately. Is everything okay?"
"I've noticed you've been having a hard time. Would it help to talk?"
"I'm concerned about you, and I'm here to listen."
These questions aren't meant to fix everything.
They're simply ways of letting someone know you've noticed and that you care.
If the person wants to talk, give them time.
Try to listen without interrupting, judging or rushing to tell them what they should do.
They may not know how to explain what they're feeling.
They may not be ready to talk.
That's okay. You can let them know you're still there and willing to listen another time.
What if you're the person who needs help?
Sometimes it's even harder to tell someone that we're struggling.
You may feel embarrassed, frightened or unsure how to explain what's happening.
You might worry about upsetting someone or becoming another thing they have to worry about.
But you deserve support, too.
You don't have to explain everything perfectly.
You might start with:
"I'm not coping very well at the moment, and I think I need some help."
Or:
"I've been having some difficult thoughts, and I don't want to deal with them on my own."
"Can we talk? There's something I've been finding really hard."
"I'm worried about how I've been feeling lately."
"I don't know exactly what I need, but I know I need some support."
If you're having thoughts about suicide, it's okay to say that directly.
You might say:
"I've been thinking about suicide, and I need someone to help me."
You can speak to someone you trust, a health professional or a crisis support service.
You don't have to wait until you know exactly what to ask for.
What if you're worried someone may be thinking about suicide?
If you're concerned that someone may be thinking about suicide, it's okay to ask them directly:
"Are you thinking about suicide?"
Asking this question does not put the idea into someone's head.
It can give them a chance to talk about thoughts they may have been afraid to share.
If they say yes, take them seriously.
Listen calmly and without judgement.
You can ask whether they have thought about how they might end their life, whether they have a plan, or whether they have access to anything they could use to harm themselves.
You don't have to work out what all their answers mean on your own. Seek advice from an appropriate crisis or mental health service.
Don't promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret if someone's safety may be at risk.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.
If it's safe, stay with them or arrange for another trusted person to be with them while emergency help is organised.
And if you're the person having these thoughts, please know that you can ask for urgent help yourself. You do not have to wait for someone else to notice.
Why Is Suicide Safety Planning Important Before a Crisis?
When we're feeling overwhelmed, frightened or distressed, it can be hard to think clearly.
We may struggle to remember what's helped us before, decide who to contact or explain what we need.
The same can happen when we're worried about someone else.
We may want to help but feel unsure what to do, who to call or how much responsibility we should take on.
That's why having these conversations and making a Safety Plan ahead of time can be so helpful.
A Safety Plan is a written plan that brings together important information, such as:
The signs that things may be getting harder.
Things that have helped during difficult times before.
People who can offer support.
Professional services that can help.
Ways to make the surroundings safer.
What to do if urgent help is needed.
It's not about expecting something terrible to happen.
It's about being prepared, hoping the plan will never be needed, but knowing it's there if things become difficult.
A Safety Plan works best when the person who may need support helps create it.
Their thoughts, feelings, wishes and choices matter.
Family, friends and other trusted people can help put the plan together, but the person it's designed for should be involved as much as possible.
The plan can also change over time.
What helps today may not be the same as what helps in six months.
And if a plan isn't helping or someone is becoming less safe, it's important to seek professional or urgent help rather than relying on the plan alone.
Creating a Circle of Support
When someone we care about is struggling, we often want to do everything we can to help.
But sometimes one or two people end up trying to manage everything.
They may be checking in regularly, arranging appointments, helping with everyday tasks and worrying about what might happen when they're not there.
Even when this comes from love and care, it can become exhausting.
And the person who is struggling may feel uncomfortable asking for help because they don't want to place too much responsibility on one person.
A circle of support can help everyone.
It brings together people who are willing and able to offer different kinds of help.
This might include family members, friends, trusted community members and professionals.
Not everyone needs to do the same thing.
For example:
One person may be happy to check in regularly.
Another may be able to help with transport or appointments.
Someone else might be available for a conversation.
Another person may be able to help with meals or everyday tasks.
A professional may provide assessment, treatment or other support.
The important thing is that everyone has a chance to talk about what they can realistically offer.
People need to agree to the roles they take on.
Nobody should feel pressured to promise more than they can manage.
And nobody should be expected to be available 24 hours a day.
If you're the person who may need support, your wishes and choices are an important part of creating this circle.
You can talk about who you feel comfortable including, what kind of help feels useful and what you would prefer people not to do.
If you're someone offering support, it's okay to be clear about your own limits.
Caring about someone doesn't mean you have to manage everything yourself.
A circle of support isn't a replacement for professional or emergency help. It helps people understand how they can work together and when to involve those services.
And it's important to remember that the people providing support may need someone to talk to as well.
Three Free Safety Planning Resources
To help put these conversations into practice, I've created three free Safety Planning resources.
They're designed for individuals, families, friends and others who want to plan together.
You can download them, print them and share them.
You don't need to be a client of De-Stress and be HAPPY to use them.
1. My Circle of Support
This one-page resource helps you think about the people who may be part of your support circle.
It's also useful for family members and friends who want to discuss what help they can offer.
It provides a starting point for agreeing on who can help, what they are comfortable doing and how to contact them.
2. My Safety Plan
This is a more detailed plan for someone who may be experiencing difficult thoughts or feelings.
It provides space to write down warning signs, things that may help, people to contact, professional support and steps to make the surroundings safer.
You can work through it yourself, with someone you trust or with an appropriately qualified professional.
You don't have to complete everything in one sitting.
3. My Quick Reference Safety Plan
This shorter plan keeps the most important information together in one place.
It's designed to be easy to find and use when things feel overwhelming.
It may be helpful to keep a copy somewhere accessible or share it with trusted people involved in your support plan.
These resources are here to help with conversations and planning. They do not replace professional care, crisis support or emergency assistance.
Understanding What You May Be Feeling
Sometimes we know that something isn't quite right, but we don't know why.
We may find it difficult to understand our feelings or put them into words.
You might be reading this because you're concerned about someone else.
Or perhaps something you've read has reminded you of your own experiences.
Either way, understanding what may be happening can help you decide what support to look for.
There are two other pages on this website that may be helpful.
Stress, Anxiety & Overwhelm
Stress, anxiety and overwhelm can affect how we think, feel and manage everyday life.
This page explores some of those experiences and may help you recognise things you've noticed in yourself or someone you care about.
Pathways to Happy
Sometimes it's hard to describe what we're going through.
This page explores different feelings and experiences that may be affecting our wellbeing, with information that may help us better understand what's happening.
These pages are here to provide information and help people recognise their experiences. They're not a diagnosis or a replacement for professional support.
Where to Find Additional Support
Whether you're having suicidal thoughts yourself, worried about someone you care about, or finding it difficult to manage the responsibility of supporting another person, help is available.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000.
Lifeline — 13 11 14
24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention assistance.
Suicide Call Back Service — 1300 659 467
24-hour telephone and online counselling for people affected by suicide, including people having suicidal thoughts and those supporting others.
South Australian Mental Health Triage — 13 14 65
24-hour mental health advice, assessment and referral for people in South Australia.
Kids Helpline — 1800 55 1800
Free counselling support for children and young people aged 5 to 25.
Beyond Blue — 1300 22 4636
Mental health information and support for anxiety, depression and related concerns.
Outside South Australia?
Visit www.healthdirect.gov.au for information about health and mental health services in your state or territory.
If you're not sure which service to contact, a crisis support service can help you work out the next step.
A Final Thought
We can't always know when life may become difficult, for ourselves or for someone we care about.
And we can't expect any one person to have all the answers.
But we can talk.
We can listen.
We can ask for help.
We can make plans together, share responsibility and make sure that the people offering support are supported too.
A circle of support isn't about one person carrying everything. It's about people working together, each offering what they realistically can.
The hope is that a Safety Plan will never be needed.
But if it is, having a plan that's been discussed, understood and shared with the right people may make it easier to know what to do next.
Because nobody should have to face difficult times alone.
Important information
De-Stress and be HAPPY is not a crisis or emergency response service. We do not provide 24-hour crisis support.
For urgent help, contact a crisis service. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000.
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